


The First Annual Linchfeild Talent Show

by keiko48460



Category: Orange is the New Black
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-16
Updated: 2017-06-19
Packaged: 2018-11-14 22:04:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 10,270
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11217162
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/keiko48460/pseuds/keiko48460
Summary: Nicky comes back from Max to a different prison. When she finds out Lorna is married, everything goes down hill from there. Her relationship with Red falls apart, and just when she is about to call it quits, Piper Chapman decides Litchfeild needs to throw a Talent Show.





	1. Everything is Always Piper's Fault

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Okay so this is a Nicky Nichols centered fic. She is honestly my favorite character and there just aren't enough stories about her. So in order to rectify this, I decided to write one. This is also a Nicky/Lorna fic, with a side of mama Red and best friend Luschek. I hope you guys enjoy this! Please let me know what you think!

Nicky blames Piper. Everything that goes wrong in Litchfield can somehow be traced back to that well intentioned blonde who can't help but try and fix the broken system, that of which is called the "Perpetual Incarceration Machine."

It would be one thing if her little half brain ideas actually fixed what was wrong, but instead Nicky would compare Piper's attempts to using duct tape to fix one out of the fifty holes on a sinking ship. Sure, it stops the water from getting in from that hole, but the water was still going to come in through the others and eventually the ship was going to sink.

She was just delaying the inevitable.

Nicky scoffed at the idea, who was she kidding? Ever since she got back from Max and found out Lorna was married, her own personal proverbial ship had sunk. Now she was stuck in the bowels watching the water rise all around her with nothing to do, nowhere to go, and no escape. She would die in here.

Lorna and Red had been the only thing holding her ship together for years and she knew Red couldn't keep her afloat alone, and she was right. The drugs had taken their hold once more, and now she was at the bottom of the ocean watching Lorna happily talk about her husband and her future, while Red helplessly fought the rising water with no avail.

Lorna was gone.

I mean she was still here, in prison, but she was gone in every other essence of the word. Maybe she should have worded her thoughts as – her Lorna was gone.

Her Lorna was gone.

Every smile at the mention of her husband, every sad look she gives Nicky, the way she seems to be uncomfortable to be even around Nicky these days, all of it seemed to push the water up higher and higher and all Nicky could do was stand there and wait for it to go over her head.

Eventually she had to push Red away too, she wouldn't let the closest thing to a mother she ever had die trying to save her. Red was as passionate as the fiery red hair on her head. The woman loved fiercely and even though Red said otherwise, Nicky knew that the woman loved her unconditionally. Despite the warning about drugs, Nicky knew Red would always be there to help her back from the new hole she dug herself in.

This is why she had to let her go. Red finding her drugged out in the shower, crying over her and telling Nicky she failed her had been the last straw. Red would fight until her last breath to save Nicky. Nicky knew it but she wouldn't allow it. She couldn't let Red drown with her.

So she pushed. She pushed and pushed, until she saw Red finally let her go. The disappointment and sadness that shined in Red's eyes when she saw Nicky slipping away broke Nicky's heart but it needed to be done.

She wouldn't drag anyone down with her. No one deserved to carry the burden that was Nicky Nichols.

She was alone now.

No Lorna.

No Red.

No one.

The only thing she could at least take comfort in was that she would go in peace and quiet, and most importantly high out of her mind. The new guards were dicks, but at least nothing too crazy happened anymore. She followed the rules, kept her head down and they left her alone. It was comfortable, well at least as comfortable as prison could get.

But then Chapman had to go and fuck it all up.

Speaking of Chapman, the woman rounded the corner in front of her and Nicky couldn't help but call out to her.

"Really Chapman!"

Piper stopped at the end of the hallway, eye brow raised in surprise at Nicky's outburst.

Nicky gave her a dark mocking chuckle and leaned against the wall before speaking once more.

"Do you really think putting on a talent show will fix anything here?"

Piper's eyebrows furrowed for a second, before giving Nicky an exasperated look.

"Caputo thought it was a good idea. The manual labor is taking its toll on all of us. We need to let loose and have some fun or someone is going to snap."

"But a talent show!" exclaimed Nicky. "Come on Chapman, the only real talents any of us have are breaking the law, doing drugs, and sticking contraband in our asses and vaginas. So if Angie gets up on that stage and starts shoving crack baggies up her ass, then count me out! It's like eating a steak Chapman. I can't eat it if I see the cow being slaughtered. I mean I know that a cow was slaughtered in order for me to have the steak, but I really, really love steak Chapman, and I can't eat it if I see where it comes from, you get what I am saying here?"

Piper was looking at Nicky in confusion before nodding to herself, clearly over playing Nicky's words in her head.

"So…" started Piper, clearly trying to make sense of the situation. "In your analogy, Angie ass is the cow and the steak is cocaine, right?"

"Yes!" exclaimed Nicky, nodding happily at Chapman ability to follow her thought process.

Piper smiled, before it turned into a sigh. Moving forward she leaned up against the wall and brought herself closer to Nicky.

"I know you have been down Nichols," said Piper quietly, ignoring the heated glare that immediately followed her words and continued. "But the talent show might actually make you feel better. I mean I am sure Caputo won't approve of Angie sticking cocaine up her ass as her talent, but I am sure she and the other meth head will try to do a dance number or sing. Come on just think about those two up there," encouraged Piper, smiling openly.

"I know you will enjoy watching them fail miserably," cooed Piper, placing a hand on Nicky's shoulder and giving it a squeeze.

Nicky's glare seemed to lessen, slightly before she shrugged off Piper's hand and eyed her wearily. She let the uncomfortable silence echo between the two, enjoying the way Piper seemed to be fidgeting under her glare before finally granting her amnesty.

"Fine," growled out Nicky, pushing herself off the wall and beginning to walk down the hallway, but not without adding over her shoulder.

"This better be the most fucked up thing I have ever seen Chapman or I am going to be pissed!"


	2. What's Your Talent Nichols?

 

_Later in the day_

Nicky couldn't believe that Caputo placed her back in electrical with Luschel. Most, importantly she couldn't believe MCC hired his dumbass. Nicky wasn't one to hold grudges, even on the outs. The drugs were already killing her, her body couldn't handle holding onto the hate too and since she was back on drugs, she couldn't bring herself to hate Luschek anymore.

On the bright side, at least she wasn't doing manual labor like everyone else. Thankfully, this fucking prison was still falling apart and Luschek needed help. The only problem was Caputo only let him have one inmate, and of course Luschek picked her. Apparently, Caputo first denied his request not wanting another, 'incident' but apparently Luschek needed someone who actually was decent at electrical, and Nicky was the only one that was qualified.

So here she was, on work detail alone with Luschek. Looking up to the very man that currently plagued her mind, Nicky couldn't help but notice Luschek looked like he had seen better days. The skin under his eyes was baggy, his eyes were bloodshot, and his hair was particularly messy today. Nicky frowned at his appearance, knowing that she probably had something do with the man's defeated demeanor.

She had been on his work detail for five days now, and she has refused to even acknowledge his presence let alone talk to him.

Nicky gave him one last passing glance and sighed, looks like today that was about to change.

Bringing her gaze back down to the broken toaster in front of her, she fiddled with it for a few more moments before pushing it away from her in frustration.

"You look like shit Luschek," she called out to him.

Luschek jerked up in his chair, obviously not expecting Nicky to actually talk to him. Luschek eyed her curiously for a few moments, before he let his eyes wander down her face and body.

"What is that saying again? Something about a pot and black…or some shit like that."

Nicky let out a chuckle at that before standing up and sauntering over to the man.

"You telling me I look like shit, Luschek?"

Luschek gave her a chuckle before leaning back in his chair, eyeing her more carefully now.

"All joking aside," he started, "you do look like shit. You are clearly using again and you need to be more subtle about it Nichols."

Nicky instantly scowled at his words, and leaned up against the table while crossing her arms over her chest.

"Whose fault is that, Luschek? You threw me in that damn place, what did you expect me to do, not do the drugs that were practically thrown in my face?"

Luschek at least looked ashamed for a moment, before steeling his gaze.

"Yes!" he exclaimed throwing his hands up in frustration. "I know I fucked up Nichols, but I got you back! You aren't in Max anymore. Drugs are hard to come by here, especially with Piscatella. So what is your excuse now?"

Nicky glared at him, knowing that he was right but refusing to give him the benefit of actually hearing the words.

Luschek gave her a look, that clearly stated that he knew he had won before leaning forward and resting his chin in his hand.

"So…" started Luschek awkwardly, "you excited for the talent show?"

Nicky couldn't help it, but she actually laughed. Like a gut wrenching laugh, that took at least a minute in for her order to control before speaking.

"If by excited, you mean excited to see these dumb bitches fail miserably at their so called talents, then yes I am excited."

Luschek let out an actual laugh at that before giving Nicky a smirk.

"You know I saw the meth heads earlier in the day practicing the choreography to Single Ladies."

Nicky closed her eyes, actually imagining the mess that that had to be before opening them and chuckling.

"That had to be a great sight."

Luschek grimaced and gave her a look.

"If by great, you mean disgusting, then ya…it was great."

Nicky laughed nodding at him. It was nice to have Luschek back, despite what they been through, he was the only person in this place that understood her sick sense of humor and gave it back as much as he got.

"So what is up with you and Morello now? I haven't seen you eye fucking her once since you got back."

Nicky's heart sank at his question. Luschek obviously was curious about her relationship with Morello, and the man thankfully worded his question in a way that Nicky could easily evade with a joke. He was giving her an out, but she didn't know if she wanted to take it or actually talk about the shit that had been bothering her. At least with Luschek, anything she said wouldn't get back to Lorna.

"She is married now," said Nicky quietly, unable to stop the words from leaving her lips. It seemed her problems weren't going to wait for her to make up her mind.

Luschek looked at her silently for a moment, clearly contemplating something before finally speaking.

"Wasn't she engaged when you two were fucking? Who cares if she is married now?"

Nicky shook her head and frowned.

"She was never engaged. She gets messed up in the head sometimes and has a hard time separating fantasy from reality. This is different now. She is actually married. At first I didn't believe her but I checked with Red and Boo, she is actually fucking married."

Luschek leaned back in his chair while letting out an impressed whistle.

"So when she was fucking you she wasn't actually cheating on anyone, which is why she won't fuck you now, because it's real this time?"

Nicky nodded before placing her chin in her hand and blinking back the tears that threatened to spill from her eyes. It was one thing to have a heart to heart with Luschek, it was another thing to let the man see her cry. That shit was just not going to happen.

"I fucking love her, you know?" whispered Nicky quietly, avoiding Luschek's penetrating gaze. "I felt like we were actually making progress before I got sent to Max but then I get back here and she moved on. What am I supposed to do now? God Luschek, I feel like she is slipping away from me. Like Lorna was my light, and without her I am trapped in this dark, terrifying place with no escape and I hate the fucking dark Luschek."

Nicky let out a dark laugh at that, hating herself for letting a lone tear escape. Reaching up she quickly brushed it away.

"And I lost Red too. But that was my own doing. I am slipping Loschek and I can't bring her down with me, you know?"

The two sat in silence for a long time, each one processing the spoken words.

"You know I am just thinking here, but Morello is an old soul right? I mean from my short interaction with her, she almost seems like she belongs in the 50's."

Nicky let out a chuckle and nodded allowing Luschek to continue.

"Well, I would imagine that grand romantic gestures would probably go a long way with a woman like her, right?" asked Luschek.

Nicky's eyebrows furrowed, as she eyed Luschek in confusion.

"Yes…" said Nicky cautiously, wondering where Luschek was going with this.

"Well, maybe you should do something for her. Show her that you love her, and that you are better than her dumbass husband."

Nicky reeled back at his suggestion, staring at him like he magically grown two heads before letting out a belly of a laugh.

"Show her that I love her? Really Luschek, is that the best you got? If you haven't noticed, we are in fucking prison? The 15 foot fence with barbed wire at the top makes it a little difficult to take her to go see a play or take her to dinner. This place sucks the romance out of everything! It can't be done."

Luschek just smiled at her, a creepy, I am up to no good smile that made Nicky nervous.

"Why are you smiling like that? Is my tit out or something?" she exclaimed, even looking down at herself to make sure her tit was not actually out.

"Ugh…I wish," groaned Luschek before leaning forward, as that stupid smile came back on his face.

"Morella likes grand romantic gestures Nichols, and there just so happens to be an event coming up that could allow you to express said romantic desires in a very grand way."

Nicky's eyes shot wide as her mouth dropped open in shock.

"You can't mean…"

"Yup," smiled Luschek giving Nicky a playful look before leaning back and crossing his arms over his chest. "And Red's like your mother, right? All mom's like to see their kids up on stage showing off their skills. My mom still talks about the day I stared in the Christmas pageant as Elf number 3."

Nicky couldn't believe what Luscheck was saying but she didn't stop the man from leaning forward and asking the question that she knew was coming.

"Okay Nichols, what's your talent?"


	3. Nichols Signs Up

The Next Day

Chapman, Flaca and Taystee were sitting at the table in the rec room signing people up for the talent show that would take place the following day. The line was long, and Nicky smirked at the sight of the meth heads in line in front of her. If she and Luschek's plan goes up in flames, then at least she would still get to watch those idiots embarrass themselves.

The line was moving surprisingly fast, and Nicky was sending a grateful prayer to whoever was watching over her today that no one has yet to notice that she was in the talent show line.

"Nichols?"

Nicky's heart dropped at the voice behind her. She didn't need to turn to know who it was. That voice – that raspy yet still squeaky voice, the one that she personally made crack in one of her finer moments between Lorna's legs, was like a spike to the heart.

Maybe if she ignored her, she would go away.

"Nichols, did you hear me?"

Nicky sighed, Lorna's tenacity was usually something that Nicky admired, but that was only when it wasn't directed at her.

Nicky turned, all while mentally preparing herself to actually come face to face with Lorna. However, when her eyes finally came to rest on the beautiful woman that had somehow wormed her way into her heart, nothing could prepare her for the vision that was Lorna Morello.

She was beautiful. There was no better way to describe her. Every other word that Nicky could think of in her expansive vocabulary just didn't seem to do her justice.

"Nicky? Are you ok?"

Lorna's voice pulled Nicky from her mind and Nicky had to physically stop herself from running away from the woman.

"Ugh…" started Nicky shrugging, "ya I am fine. What's up Morello?"

Lorna eyed Nicky for a few more moments, clearly not believing Nicky's assurance that she was okay before she allowed her eyes to travel to the line Nicky was standing in. Soft brown eyes shot wide before they turned on Nicky.

"Are you signing up for the talent show?" whispered Lorna almost as if she could not quite believing what she was saying.

Nicky couldn't stop the visible fidget of her legs but tried to put some semblance of confidence in her voice.

"Yup," she nodded, smirking at the look of complete shock on Lorna's face.

Lorna eyed her for a few moments, before those soft brown eyes narrowed in a glare.

"You better not be doing something to ruin this for us Nichols. The girls need this. I need this"

Nicky frowned at Lorna's words and knew the hurt shined in her eyes.

"Wow Morello," said Nicky, even allowing a little bit of hurt even show in her voice. "I am glad you think so highly of me."

Lorna's glare instantly lost its heat, recognizing the hurt in Nicky's voice.

"Sorry Nicky," said Lorna, actually sounding apologetic before quickly asking with excitement.

"So what's your talent?"

Nicky smiled at Lorna's excitement but shook her head, stepping into Lorna's personal space, her lips just a hair from Lorna's.

"That, Ms. Morello is a secret."

Lorna breath hitched, and she gave Nicky a playful glare before a frown over took her features and she took a step back.

"It's actually Mrs. Muccio now," she said in a whisper, looking away from Nicky as she spoke.

Nicky's heart ached at Lorna's words, but she refused to let it show.

"Wow, you didn't even spring to get it hyphenated."

Lorna brought her gaze back to Nicky's, recognizing the playfulness in her voice.

"We wanted to be traditional," she said softly, smiling at Nicky.

Nicky opened her mouth to respond but a voice at her back grabbed her attention.

"Nicky?"

Nicky turned to see the line had dwindled down to just her, and Piper was looking at her with wide eyes.

"You signing up Nichols?" asked Taystee, eyeing her with clear mistrust.

Nicky rolled her eyes at everyone's assumption that she was plotting to ruin the talent show. Stepping forward, she approached the table and looked down at the signup sheet. She briefly read the list of names and the talents, unable to stop the chuckle from escaping her lips when she saw the meth heads were in fact doing the Single Ladies dance, before moving down to the open space and writing her name and talent.

She handed the paper back to Piper, before throwing a cautious look over at Lorna who was craning her neck to get a look at the paper.

"I would appreciate it if you could keep my involvement and talent to yourself. I want it to be a surprise."

Piper eyed Nicky wearily before looking down at the paper, reading her talent as her eyes shot wide. Piper's eyes went from the paper, to Nicky and then to Lorna in rapid succession, before finally setting on Nicky and giving her a nod.

"Your secret is safe with me Nichols," smiled Piper. "See you tomorrow night."


	4. This Was A Horrible Idea

 

The Night of the Talent Show

"I don't know about this Luschek. This was a horrible idea. I am going to embarrass the shit out of myself," said Nicky pacing in the hallway alone as Luschek watched her walk back in forth in amusement.

Stepping forward, Luschek blocked Nicky from walking any further and placed both his hands on her shoulders before giving them a squeeze.

"You will be fine. You have been practicing every waking moment in electrical since you signed up, when you should have been fixing that fucking toaster. The CO's won't be having their bagels for a third day in a row now, and if Piscatella is going to rip me a new ass because of it, it better be because you are about to knock the panties off Morello."

Nicky threw him a glare, one that she knew did not reach any kind of heat level before grimacing.

"I can't believe you convinced me to do this."

Luschek laughed and squeezed her shoulders one last time before stepping back.

"I know right?! I can't believe you actually agreed to this! This is like Christmas in July for me."

Now Nicky really glared at the bastard. Looking around their surroundings quickly and seeing no one, Nicky slugged Luschek in the arm – hard.

"Oww!" cried out Luschek, flinching back away from the angry woman. "Jesus Nichols, that's my masturbating arm. How am I supposed to whack off tonight with a dead arm."

Nicky actually growled at him before speaking in a mocking tone.

"Ohh… no, looks like you will have to wet your dick in some real pussy tonight Luschek. Consider the dead arm a favor from me. You seriously need to stop whacking off so much. When I looked at that stupid mark on you dick yesterday that you swore was herpes, I swear to god your dick was leaning to the right."

Luschek crinkled up his face in mock annoyance.

"We promised each other we would not speak of that moment Nichols. I needed an opinion and you're my only person. God knows I can't afford to go to the doctors with the shit insurance MCC provides."

Nicky rolled her eyes at that, ignoring the way her heart kind of ached when Luschek called her his only person. God, she hated that she was actually starting to consider her prison guard as her closest friend.

"I still think I should back out," said Nicky frowning, eyeing the side door to the auditorium with a hint of fear.

Luschek sighed at her words before stepping towards her and giving her probably one of the most serious faces Nicky had ever seen adorn the man's face.

"Look Nicky…"

"Eww! Don't do that!"

"What?! I figured we were about to have a moment!"

"Just because we are having a moment doesn't mean you can call me Nicky. It's disturbing!"

Luschek actually let out a groan at Nicky's words but nodded.

"Fine, look Nichols…" he stressed the last name, and paused as Nicky nodded in approval. "Me and you, we fuck shit up. That's what we do best, well that and drugs, but mostly we fuck shit up."

"Good start Luschek, I think you missed your calling for a motivational speaker…"

"I am not done!" growled out Luschek in a rare show of determination that had Nicky instantly shutting her mouth.

Luschek eyed her up for a moment, almost daring her to speak before finally nodding and continuing.

"Like I said we constantly fuck shit up, but do you know why? I think it is because we care about stupid shit more than the real shit. You know what I am saying? I once had a good thing, with a great girl. She put up with my stupid ass for 5 years. She was seriously the best thing that ever happened to me, and you know what I did? I fucked it up. I lost my job, started doing drugs, and pretty much destroyed every good thing in my life…including her."

"Luschek…"

"No," said Luschek holding up his hand and silencing Nicky. "Let me finish"

Nicky knew her eyes were filled with concern as she eyed up Luschek for a few more moments, before giving the man a nod to continue.

"I got this job as a CO, and turned my life around…sort of. I mean I still do drugs obviously and I still fuck shit up sometimes but I have an apartment, dental, a 401k, all that adult shit you are supposed to have at my age, but you know what I don't have Nichols? I don't have a Lorna."

Nicky's eyes shot wide at his words, but Luschek continued.

"When I used to see you and Lorna together, and the way that woman used to look at you, and you at her. That shit was real, Nichols. That is what I had at one time, and that is what I miss every fucking day of my life. And your relationship with Red, it reminds me so much of my mom and I's. And let me tell you something Nichols, we don't fuck with our mothers. That shit is for life, no matter how much sometimes you wished it wasn't. "

Luschek's voice trailed off as he looked away from Nicky in an obvious attempt to reel in his emotions.

"We fuck shit up, me and you," he said softly bringing his eyes back to Nicky. "But that doesn't mean we can't make things right either. Look, all I am saying is that if I had one more chance to get Brittany back in my life I would seriously give it all up just for that one shot. Even if she denied me after everything, at least I can say I tried. At least I can say, that for once in my miserable fucking life, instead of fucking stuff up, I actually tried to be good – that I actually tried to be the man she deserved."

Luschek let his words trail of uncomfortably.

"So I guess what I am saying is…be the fucking man Morello deserves," he ended, clearly uncomfortable with his little speech, but after few moments he gave her a smile before reaching forward and hitting her on the arm, way too hard for it to actually be a reassuring pat.

"Fuck Luschek," growled out Nicky, rubbing her arm.

"Pay back's a bitch," he smirked, the emotional man just seconds prior instantly disappearing into the teenage boy that Nicky was used to.

Reaching forward Luschek gave Nicky's shoulder a squeeze.

"Try to not fuck this up."

Nicky let out a laugh at that, before nodding.

"I will make my best attempt."

Luschek chuckled before stepping back and nodding towards the door.

"You better get in there, you are probably coming up."

Nicky nodded, turning and eyeing the door nervously before reaching forward and opening it. Moving to enter, Nicky stopped at the threshold to see Luschek standing there, attempting to give her a reassuring smile that only made him look like he was stroking out.

"Brittany kind of sounds like a stripper name."

Luschek gave her a real smile at that.

"Well she was one, so I guess you would be correct."

Nicky's eyes widened at that, before giving the man an impressed smile and nodding.

"Wow, nice Luschek, I am officially impressed."

Luschek rolled his eyes.

"I can rake in tale when I try Nichols, I might not have a book full of orgasms but that doesn't mean I don't have game."

"Mhhmmm…" teased Nichols, giving the man one last grateful look before moving through the door way and letting the door close behind her.

 


	5. There Are People In Your Corner Nichols

  
  


Nicky nervously shifted on her feet as she watched Taystee and Poussey sing some gospel number, laughing and having a good time while the crowd cheered them on.

"I can't believe I am fucking doing this…" Nicky mumbled to herself, running a frustrated hand through her wild mane that she called her hair.

"Me either," said a voice behind her startling Nicky out of her musing.

Nicky turned in the direction of the voice, already knowing its speaker before even meeting the man's gaze. However, it still didn't stop her eyes from shooting wide at the site of the warden standing behind her, a black case in front of him, eyeing her carefully.

"Mr. Caputo," said Nicky, trying to put that charming smile on her face, "hasn't anyone ever told you that it is rude to eavesdrop?"

Caputo gave her a look, but Nicky could see the uptick of the man's lips under his mustache.

"You're in prison Nichols," deadpanned Caputo. "Your expectation of privacy ends the moment you are told to squat and cough."

Nicky laughed at that, before nodding. He had her there.

"Touché, sir. Touché."

The two stood in an uncomfortable silence for a few moments before Nicky couldn't take it anymore.

"Not that I mind the company sir," she stared before quickly adding, "because I don't, but what are you doing back here?" asked Nicky, trying to make sure her voice stayed upbeat and professional. She didn't need a Shot or thrown in the SHU for mouthing off to the warden.

Caputo sighed at her words but nodded, his eyes going down into the case in his hands and then back up at Nichols.

"Luschek came to me about your talent number, and he thought I could help," said Caputo, grimacing at the very idea of a conversation with Luschek.

Nicky's eyes shot wide at the comment.

"Luschek talked to you…and…what…did he say exactly?" stuttered out Nicky.

Caputo gave her a weary look but nodded.

"He said that this was important to you and you have been struggling since coming back from Max. He said you needed to do this," answered Caputo, clearly trying to read her face to see if Nicky gave anything away that would indicate that Luschek was lying.

Nicky swallowed, and for the first time in her life she was actually speechless. Luschek said that? And apparently Caputo cared enough to actually help? But help how exactly?

"Look Nichols," said Caputo with a sigh as he stepped forward. "I know I have separated myself from you girls since becoming the warden. And I know things are different now with MCC and the new guards. But that doesn't mean I am blind. I still walk these halls, and I still know what is going on in my prison. I have been watching you and your family closely these past few days and don't think I haven't noticed the distance between you and Red or you and Morello."

Nicky closed her eyes, warding back the tears that threatened to spill from her eyes as Caputo spoke.

"I don't know the details of what is going on between you guys but what I do know is that you have a tendency to push people away when shit gets hard. I read your file Nichols, I know your story and I know that you have been alone for a while. When you first came to Litchfield, and you were embraced by Red and her band of contraband smuggling idiots, I thought for sure you finally found your place. Sure you were in prison, but I could see that you were no longer carrying the world on your shoulders. Red and Morello were at your side, helping you with whatever burdens and baggage you still carry with you."

Caputo paused, clearing his throat uncomfortably.

"So when I saw you come back from Max and separate from your family, and walk through these halls like you had a fifty pound weight on your back and that you against the world attitude again, I knew something happened. That's why I put you back in electrical. I certainly didn't put you there because of your electrical skills, as I am now day 3 without a damn bagel. But it was because I knew you and Luschek are close, way too close for it to be professional and if Luschek didn't assure me in his own words that you were a "raging lesbian," I may have been worried that I had another Mendez/Diaz situation on my hands."

Caputo sighed, running a hand over his ever balding head before giving Nicky another serious look.

"Look, I guess what I am trying to say is that despite what you may think, you have people in your corner Nichols. I want you to succeed, and if I have to go a little above and beyond in order to help you do that, then I will."

Nicky stared at Caputo with wide eyes, not really believing what the man was saying but still at the same time knowing that Caputo was actually being genuine with her. Blinking back tears, Nicky gave the man a thankful nod, before letting her eyes travel down to the black case in his hands.

Caputo seeing what her eyes were trained on cleared his throat uncomfortably and indicated with his head to follow him.

The two walked silently over to a table where Caputo put the case up on the table and opened the hatches to show Nicky what was inside.

Nicky's eyes shot wide at the sight and she looked at Caputo in confusion.

"Chapman told me what you were doing for your talent and Luschek asked me if I could bring this in for you because apparently you have been complaining about how much cooler it would be if you had access to one."

Nicky's couldn't stop the tears that now filled her eyes as she listened to Caputo's words. God damn it, she is going to have to be nice to both of these men for a while to make up for this.

"You seriously are going to let me touch this, let alone take it out there?"

Caputo smiled at that and nodded, but not before giving her a warning look.

"This is my favorite one Nichols. If you break it, I will have you cleaning the bathrooms with a toothbrush for the remainder of your sentence."

Nicky nodded, a little too eager and quickly for her taste but she couldn't help it. She was just too excited at the prospect of what Caputo was offering her.

"Yes sir, I will take extra care of her," said Nicky excitedly before putting up her hand and crossing the other across her heart. "Scouts honor."

Caputo rolled his eyes at her, just as the yelling and cheering from Taystee and Poussey's singing came to a close, and the excited whispers of who was coming on next sounded. Caputo looked out onto the empty stage and then back and Nichols, giving her an actual genuine smile.

"Looks like you're up Nichols," he said nodding his head to the stage.

Nicky eyed the stage nervously, as her eyes went from Caputo to the stage and back again.

"I am sure you will do great Nichols," said Caputo encouragingly before giving her nonchalant shrug. "And if not, Rice and Taylor are apparently dancing to Beyoncé after you, so I am sure everyone will forget your performance once those two get on stage."

Nicky laughed at that, a real laugh, the first one she ever had in front of Caputo.

"Thank sir," nodded Nicky, wiping at her eyes, "I needed that."

Caputo smiled, and nodded.

"Go get your family back, Nichols."

 


	6. Nicky Nichols is the Sun

  
  


Lorna Morello was nervous, anyone with eyes could see it. Her face was tight, her lips were pursed and her leg wouldn't stop fidgeting up and down in her seat. Nicky was going to be going on next. Piper had created a set list, and distributed it out to everyone who came. Everyone's name and talent were on the paper, and right below Taystee and Poussey was the name Nicky Nichols. But despite everyone having their listed talent next to their name, Nicky's was surprisingly blank.

Upon seeing this before the show started, Lorna and Red cornered Piper in the hallway and demanded to know what Nicky was doing. But Piper had come a long way from the woman who first entered the door of Litchfield all that time ago. This Piper had grown a back bone and it seemed she wasn't going to bend.

"Look guys," sighed Piper eyeing them up with a look that she attempted to be comforting. "Nicky asked me to keep it a secret and that's what I am going to do. It was approved by Caputo, so it's not bad."

Red growled.

"Why the secrecy? Nicky has never been known for her subtlety, why must she do this now?"

Lorna nodded next to her, equally as frustrated and worried as Red.

Piper sighed and nodded.

"Look," started Piper, "I think we all know that Nicky is going through some shit right now."

Piper paused to look at Lorna and give her an apologetic look before continuing.

"She hasn't been the same since she lost Lorna," Piper grimaced at the heartbroken look on Lorna's face before turning to Red. "And I think me and you both know that she has been purposely pushing you away."

Red and Lorna were quiet after that for some time, each one processing Piper's words independently.

"I was just as surprised to see Nicky signing up as you," continued Piper, pulling both women out of their thoughts. "I thought for sure she was going to do something to sabotage the show, but she isn't. She is actually doing something – something that I never imagined she would actually do. And while I think she needs to do this for herself, to get herself back on track, I also think that she is doing this for you two as well."

Red and Lorna looked heartbroken at Piper's words but nonetheless accepted them and made their way to their seats.

So that's where they were, nervously watching the stage for Nicky Nichols.

A hand reached over and clamped down on Lorna's jumping leg, and a tight warning squeeze followed.

"You need to stop that," ordered Red giving her a look. "You are making me anxious."

Lorna grimaced and nodded, but not before throwing Red her own look.

"Your already anxious Red, and it has nothing to with my leg," said Lorna, knowing Red better than most.

Red's eyes narrowed, but Lorna refused to back down to the matriarch. After a few tense moments, Red finally relented and sighed.

"I am nervous for her. I don't know what she is doing but I want it to help her. I hope this brings her back to me."

Lorna's heart ached within her chest at the desperation in Red's eyes when she spoke, and she knew that despite being married, the same look was mirrored in her own.

"Same here," she whispered to Red, like a quiet confession.

Red's eyes narrowed at her, and her lips pursed.

"I thought you were done with Nicky now that you are married."

Lorna fidgeted under Red's penetrating gaze.

"I thought she was gone Red," said Lorna, unable to stop the tears from leaving her eyes. "She went to Max and I thought I would never see her again. I convinced myself that I needed to move on. And now she is back, and I am married, and I want to make my marriage work but Nicky…"

Lorna's voice trailed off, frustration showing on her face.

"Nicky is like the sun. She is all encompassing. She brought a light and warmth into my life that I have never experience before but that doesn't mean she didn't burn me too. It was like if I get to close to her, she lashed out and hurt me. And I will admit, sometimes it made me want to run but I always came back. I'd rather get burned a few times, then not have her there to keep me warm, you know?"

Lorna's voice cracked again, as she looked away from Red while reaching up and wiping away the tears from her face, making sure to avoid messing up her make up.

"But when she was gone, it was like I was living in this perpetual darkness. It was like the sun didn't rise anymore and I was scared. I was afraid that it was always going to be this way. So I looked for a new light. He definitely didn't burn as bright as Nicky, but at least I wasn't alone in the dark anymore."

Turning back to Red, and seeing the sadness in her eyes brought a new wave of tears to Lorna's.

"You know I learned in like 5th grade, that the Earth revolves around the sun. Mr. Corzo, my science teacher taught me that. I never gave it much thought again until I met Nicky. Because if Nicky is the sun, then I am definitely the Earth. I revolve around Nicky. "

Lorna sighed, a deep sadness entering her voice as she brought her gaze back up to the stage, waiting for Nicky to come out.

"You know, Mr. Corzo also said that every day the Sun's gravitational force pulls the Earth closer, and like a million years from now eventually the Earth is going be sucked into the sun. Mr. Corzo always said you can't fight gravity, and I guess he was right."

Thankfully, Flaca came on to the stage draggin a chair and everyone quieted down, saving Red from having to respond to Lorna's tear filled admission.

"Next up we have Nichols," announced Flaca setting the chair at the front of the stage and walking away.

The crowd let out a small cheer, not really knowing what to expect. However a few seconds later when Nicky Nichols walked onto the stage with a guitar strapped around her shoulder, the auditorium went silent.

Whatever everyone was expecting, it sure in the hell wasn't this.

 


	7. Let It Be Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Please before continuing, go to YouTube or whatever and listen to Ray LaMontagne song called "Let It Be Me." This song is seriously everything, and I want you to imagine Nicky singing this song just like Ray does – in that raspy, soul splitting, heart penetrating way. Ya, so do that and then continue reading.

 

Nicky was uncomfortable, and she had to fight the grimace off her face as she walked to the chair that Flaca had left on stage for her.

Nicky was certain she had never heard the prison so quiet. Even at night when all these bitches were sleeping, at least there was the snoring and the occasional fart.

Of course the only time this place gave her actual silence, was when every single eye was directed on her.

Nicky sighed and sat down at the chair, lowering her gaze to straighten Caputo's guitar to lie gently across her lap before bringing her gaze back up.

"Ugh…ya," started Nicky, uncomfortably clearing her throat as she met the gazes of her fellow prisoners.

"I am going to play a song for you guys," her voice trailing off as her eyes came to rest on her family, sitting at the back of the auditorium, grouped together. Red and Lorna were at the center, their wide eyes locked on Nicky's.

"Umm…" Nicky cleared her throat once more and steeled her gaze as she forced herself to continue to make eye contact with the crowd.

"I wanted to thank Mr. Caputo for letting me borrow his guitar, and thank a friend of mine for convincing me to do this," said Nicky nodding, knowing that Caputo and Luschek were watching her.

"I am dedicating this song to my family," said Nicky giving said family a nervous smile. "To my mom, who despite me being a giant bitch to her these past couple weeks, is here to support me, like I knew she would."

Nicky gave a nod to Red, and almost cried when Red gave her the most heartwarming smile she had ever seen the woman give.

Moving her gaze to Lorna, Nicky's heart beat painfully in her chest at the sight of the beautiful woman.

"And then to…ugh…" Nicky trailed off, trying to find the right word to describe Lorna without actually letting people know it was her.

"The love of my life…you know who you are," mumbled out Nicky quickly, trying to stop the blush from making its way on her face, when the entire auditorium started letting out cat calls, Boo being the loudest at the back, because let's face it she is an asshole.

Nicky shook her head at them all before clearing her throat one last time.

"Ya, your all assholes," growled out Nicky, but unable to stop the smile on her face when the entire auditorium started to laugh.

Steeling her nerves, Nicky gave one last look around the auditorium before nodding.

"Okay…here we go," said Nicky before looking down at the guitar in her hand and making sure her fingers were on the right cords. Steeling her nerves, Nicky began to move her fingers across the strings, starting the song.

Nicky hadn't played since she was locked up, but her fingers never faltered as they glided over the strings, allowing the melodic tune to filter into the auditorium.

Clearing her throat, one last time Nicky reached the beginning of the song and began to sing.

_There comes a time._

_A time in everyone's life._

_Where nothing seems to go your way._

_Where nothing seems to turn out right._

Nicky's voice was raspy, she knew that but Luschek had assured her that her voice was built for this song. It was a song that penetrated your soul, and it wasn't meant to be flowery or dramatic. It was meant to be sung with emotions – pain, longing, hope and love. And according to Luscheck, Nicky's raspy singing voice had all of that.

Nicky ignored the way the auditorium went silent again, as she allowed her fingers to keep stroking the right cords.

_There may come a time._

_You just can't seem to find your place._

Nicky moved her fingers harder, picking up the strength and tempo of the song.

_And for every door you open._

_Seems like you get two slammed in your face._

Nicky looked up, knowing she needed to look at Lorna, Red, and her entire family during this part. Willing her fingers to hit the right notes, Nicky sang out to them.

_That's when you need someone._

_Someone that you, you can call._

_When all your faith is gone._

_And it feels like you can't go on._

_Let it be me._

_Let it be me._

_If it's a friend that you need._

_Let it be me._

_Let it be me._

Nicky's voice trailed off, as she moved her gaze away from the tear filled eyes of Red and Lorna's to continue playing.

It seemed the rest of the ladies were done being silent, as she heard the girls cheering for her, and yelling out to her.

She picked up an unmistakable, "Get it Nichols," from Boo in the back and smiled.

Slowing down the song once more, Nicky continued and thankfully everyone went silent again, letting her start singing again.

_Feels like you're always coming up last._

_Pockets full of nothing and you got no cash._

_No matter where you turn you ain't got no place to stand._

_You reach out for something and they slap your hand._

Nicky's voice cracked a little at the end of the line, knowing that this part of the song was the part that always resonated deep within her.

Picking her head back up, she looked out to the auditorium, looking at everyone, knowing that these words would probably have the same effect on them.

Singing a little louder, with a deepness that she knew came right from her soul, Nicky sang out.

_Now, I remember all too well._

_Just how it feels to be all alone._

_You feel like you'd give anything._

_For just a little place you can call your own._

Picking up the temp once more, Nicky allowed the guitar and her voice to reach its limits in strength as she found Red and Lorna once more in the crowd.

_That's when you need someone._

_Someone that you, you can call._

_When all your faith is gone._

_It feels like you can't go on._

_Let it be me._

_Let it be me._

_If it's a friend you need._

_Let it be me._

_Let it be me._

Slowing herself down, and lowering her voice to just above a whisper, Nicky stroked the strings of the guitar lightly.

_Let it be me._

_Let it be me._

_If it's a friend you need._

_Let it be me._

_Let it be me, let it be me._

She allowed her voice to trail off, letting the guitar also follow suit as she stopped her hands at the same time of her voice.

As the last of her voice and guitar echoed through the silent auditorium, Nicky nervously fidgeted on the chair as she stared out at the shocked faces of everyone in the crowd. Nicky quickly found Red and Lorna, and she choked back a sob at the sight of tears streaming down their faces.

Just when Nicky didn't think she could the silence anymore, Red jumped up from her seat and started clapping loudly before shouting out.

"That's my girl!"

Lorna jumped up at her side also clapping, and everyone soon followed suit, getting up and screaming and cheering out to Nicky.

Much to Nicky surprise and humor, a few of the girls actually through their bra's onto the stage, making Nicky bust out laughing and Caputo having to step up and reprimand them.

Nicky stood up, and raised her hand in thanks to the cheers and walked off stage. As she reached the curtain, Nicky couldn't help but feel lighter, like she had left a part of on stage.

Her ship was still sunk, she was still trapped, but it felt like the water was no longer rising. It felt as if she could finally breathe.

 


	8. Chapter 8: We Heard You Nichols

 

Nicky safely placed Caputo's guitar back in its case, but could not help but give the stings one last final stroke with her fingers.

She missed playing music, god it felt like coming home.

Speaking of home, she missed her guitar – the only thing she actually owned.

Marka was a shitty mother. The worst but she had her moments…well one moment.

Nicky was an angsty little teen. She had no friends in school. She was getting suspended on a regular basis for disrespect. She was questioning her sexuality. She was struggling with depression. The list of every fucked up thing about her went on and on.

Marka of course, fearing that Nicky's spiraling mental health would get around the neighborhood and ruin her reputation at the country club, immediately enrolled Nicky in therapy.

The therapist's answer to Nicky's problems were simple, Nicky needed an outlet.

So when Nicky came home after an hour of defiantly staring at a wall and refusing to even meet Dr. Connor's gaze, let alone speak to the man, Nicky was ready for a fight. Fighting with Marka, always made in her feel better. Dr. Connor said that she needed to attack her problems head on instead of running from them, little did he know that the center of all Nicky's problems could be traced back to Marka and what a terrible mother she was. Dr. Connor was right, fighting with Marka and causing her pain – in a deep twisted way did make her feel better.

So when 16 year old, Nicky Nichols walked into her mother's penthouse apartment ready to fight, she was surprised to find that instead of her mother waiting for her, there was a beautiful guitar. Nicky still remembered the way it seemed to glow in the sunset that streamed through Marka's penthouse windows.

Anita, the housemaid and Nicky's nanny from when she was child was standing off to the side with a note in her hand. She stepped forward and cupped Nicky's cheek before sliding a piece of paper in her hand.

"It is from your mother. She thought you would like it. I believe her exact words were, "if my daughter is going to be one of those emo teens, then she can at least be the one that plays music, not the ones that does drugs and contribute nothing to society."

Tears filled Nicky's eyes at the exact time she let out of a self-depreciating laugh. That was definitely something Marka would say.

Looking down at the paper in her hand Nicky read the note with tear filled eyes.

_Nicole,_

_Jimmy Page once said, "I believe every guitar player inherently has something unique about their playing. They just have to identify what makes them different and develop it."_

_If Jimmy's words ring true, then I am sure you will be great._

_Love,_

_Mom_

Later that night, Nicky folded the note up and taped it to the inside of her guitar. She didn't know why or maybe she did, because deep down inside she acknowledged that today was the first day Marka had ever been a mother to her, and a small part of her didn't want to forget it.

From that day on, that guitar meant everything to Nicky. And even though the day after she received the guitar, Marka went back to her self-absorbed self, Nicky still cherished that guitar. Even years later when Nicky's drug problem reached its peak, and Marka cut her off, and she was forced to pawn everything she owned in order to keep up with her drug habit – everything went but the guitar.

"You did good out there Nichols."

Nicky jumped at the voice, and turned to see Caputo leaning up against the wall staring at her.

Nicky cleared her throat uncomfortably but nodded.

"Thank you sir."

Caputo gave her a small smile before stepping forward and around Nicky to close the case on his guitar.

"You know when Luschek told me you would surprise me, I am going to be honest – I didn't believe him."

Flipping the locks down, Caputo turned and leaned against the table and gave her a pondering look.

"How did that make you feel?"

Nicky's heart clenched painfully in her chest, as she processed Caputo's question, knowing exactly how it felt but was unable to formalize it into words.

Caputo eyed her conflicted look for a moment before sighing and stepping forward, guitar in hand.

"It's okay Nichols," nodded Caputo, walking past her but stopping at the door and turning back to her. "That's the funny thing about music Nichols. Music speaks what you can't express and trust me when I say this Nichols – I heard you out there, everyone heard you out there."

Caputo gave her a smile, an actual genuine smile before giving her a nod.

"I'm proud of you Nichols."

With that, he walked out the door, leaving a stunned Nicky Nichols in his wake.


	9. I Know

Nicky didn’t stay to watch the meth head’s Beyoncé act, but judging by the laughter echoing from the auditorium and down the hallway, she knew that the spectacle was everything she knew it would be and probably more. 

Of course she wanted to see the two idiots embarrass themselves, but she couldn’t find the courage to face the hordes of women she just bared her soul in front of and the two women in particular that her soul was bared at.  Of course, Caputo said that he had heard her, and that everyone had heard what she was trying to say, but did _they_ like what they heard?

Nicky let out at groan, letting her head crashing against the wall behind her with a thud. 

“You have such a beautiful head.  Don’t go thumping it against the wall.”

It wasn’t the words that had her eyes shooting wide, but rather the strong Russian accent that was attached to them.  Nicky couldn’t bring herself to turn towards the voice, where she knew the closest thing to a mother she had ever had stood. 

Nicky stared defiantly at the wall in front of her, willing the tears back from her eyes at just the thought of having this conversation. 

She wasn’t surprised that only a few seconds later Nicky was staring into Red’s bright blue eyes.  Red was never known for her patience, or for being ignored, especially when it came to her _family_.     

“ _Moy rebenok_ ,” whispered Red, reaching up and cupping Nicky’s face.  Her thumb began to gently stroke her cheeks wiping away tears that instantly fell from Nicky’s face when Red called her _my child._

Nicky couldn’t help but lean in the touch, just as much as she couldn’t stop the choked sob that escaped her lips. 

Before she knew it she was engulfed in the woman’s arms, and Nicky immediately was surrounded with the smell of vanilla and spices.  The smell, the feeling of Red’s arms wrapped around her, and the emotion laced Russian words that were whispered into her ear, all of it combined was all it took for Nicky’s walls to come crumbling down. 

Reaching forward, Nicky grasped the back of Red’s shirt, pulling the woman in closer as the damn that was steadily leaking from her eyes finally broke, as tears streamed downed her face and choked sobs escaped her mouth. 

“I am so sorry,” choked out Nicky, fisting her hands even tighter into Red’s shirt as she buried her head into the woman’s neck and cried like she had never cried before. 

A soothing hand ran up Nicky’s back before a small kiss could be felt at the side of her head. 

“I know,” whispered Red. 

Nicky cried even harder now, refusing to loosen her grip.

“I didn’t want to push you away Ma.  I just was slipping and I didn’t want you bring you down with me.”

“I know,” repeated Red, this time bobbing her head with the acceptance of Nicky’s words. 

“I am in love with Lorna and she is married now.  I don’t think I can handle the thought of not having her in my life.”

“I know.”

Nicky loosened her grip on Red’s shirt, and just allowed herself the comfort of being held for a few moments before pulling back. 

Wiping at her eyes, Nicky blurrily stared up at Red, her heart breaking at the sight of tracks of tears that were on the woman’s face. 

“I’m using again.  I wasn’t strong enough to stay away from them at Max and I have been doing everything I could get my hands on since I got back.”

Pain flashed in Red’s bright blue eyes, as her lips thinned into that unmistakable Red scowl before the woman reached forward and dragged her thumb right under Nicky’s eyes, most likely cleaning up the dripping eye liner. 

“I know.”

Red’s voice was full of anger but the woman’s eyes shined with the exact opposite, as love and acceptance filtered out of the woman and wrapped Nicky in their warm embrace once more. 

Nicky reached forward now, grabbing Red’s shoulder’s in what she hoped conveyed how genuine her next words were about to be. 

“I am going to get better.  I am going to get clean again and I will stay away for real this time, Red.  I want to be better.  I want to make something out of my life.  I am going to make you proud of me.”

Red reached up and grasped Nicky’s hands, uncurling them from her shoulder’s to then lace them with her own, all while staring Nicky straight in the eye. 

“I know.”

Nicky closed her eyes at Red’s words.  The woman had only repeated the same two words since the beginning of this conversation.  How can two words mean so much?  How could Red know what she was doing when she was pushing her away?  How could Red know about Lorna when she herself only truly started to understand how much she loved that woman?  How did Red know about her using again or even believe her when she said she would stop, when she has let the woman down so many times in the past?

All these questions raged within Nicky’s head and the frustration with everything came spiraling out of her mouth. 

“But how?!” cried out Nicky at Red, wanting the woman to say anything other than those two words.  “How do you know Ma?”

The level of Nicky’s voice didn’t seem to faze Red at all, as the woman brought her gaze down to stare at their intertwined hands.  Giving Nicky’s hands a squeeze, Red brought her hands up to grip Nicky’s forearms before pulling her into an embrace.  It was a real hug, not one out of desperation like earlier, but instead one filled with warmth and love, and it was _everything_.  Red’s hands ran through Nicky’s hair, stroking the girls scalp before she placed a kiss to the side of her head. 

“A mother always knows.”


End file.
